
“Harry…I as good as killed them,” he croaked. “I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him a Secret-Keeper instead of me…I’m to blame, I know it…the night they died, I’d arranged to check on Peter, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he’d gone. Yet there was no sign of struggle. It didn’t feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents’ house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies - I realised what Peter must have done. What I’d done.”
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
#I have more Sirius feelings than I can manage #because he lost everything that night #His best friend and his godson and Remus and Lily #and he blames himself totally #he really believes he killed them #and he’s 22 and panicking and the only thing he can hold onto is revenge #but he’s reckless and self destructive and unthinking #and so of course that doesn’t go to plan either #and he really believes he deserves to be in Azkaban #deserves to suffer for his sins #and he needs someone to believe in him and to tell him it is not his fault #and no one does - not this time #and my heart breaks again and again and again #fuck this #not emotionally stable enough for this shit
(Source: dawnofthedusk, via drunkhermione)