4 guys are playing golf. One guy goes to get everyone drinks. While the other three are waiting, they decide to brag about their sons.
“My son owns a successful car dealership,” guy #1 said. “He is so successful, he was able to give one of his friends two new cars.”
“My son is a successful realtor,” guy #2 said. “He’s so successful, he was able to give one of his friends a small house.”
“So? My son is a successful stock broker,” guy #3 said. “He is so successful, he gave one of his friends a stock portfolio and he made millions!”
Guy #4 walked up and gave everyone their drinks.
“So how’s your son doing?” guy #1 asked.
“Well,” said guy #4, “as it turns out, my son is gay.” The other 3 guys winced sympathetically, but guy #4 protested. “No, it’s fine. It’s great, actually. He must be doing something right. His last 3 boyfriends gave him 2 new cars, a small house, and a stock portfolio.”
the unintentional irony of the taylor swift songs/couples who refer to themselves as romeo & juliet is just hilarious to me
I just never know how to react to the blatant disregard for characterization. I usually just kind of silently seethe to myself and try to think of a way to rationally explain why my eye is twitching if anyone happens to notice.
“5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN. (1) FINE -this is the word women use to end an argument when they know they are RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP. (2) NOTHING -means SOMETHING & u need to be WORRIED. (3) GO AHEAD -this is a dare not permission DO NOT DO IT. (4) WHATEVER -is a woman’s way of saying **** YOU. (5) THAT’S OK -she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake”
I’ve seen this chain status before, and I still think it’s stupid. You know what? Sometimes “That’s ok”and “fine” really do mean I’m alright with it. Sometimes nothing is wrong. I don’t always need to be worried about. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. Sometimes “go ahead” means “I really don’t care”. Sometimes women are honest about their feelings. Sometimes women say what they mean. Sometimes women don’t perpetuate the stupid idea that we are exempt from rules about openness and honesty. I see my female friends complain all the time that their boyfriends and husbands aren’t open with them, but why should they be when you aren’t? This is not okay. This is just widening the gap between men and women and making relationships more difficult and confusing than they already are. So just stop this stupid crap, or stop complaining that you’re treated differently.
“I’ve never had tastes of people my own age. All of my friends when I was 15 were in their 40s. I’m not actually mature, just very self-conscious around people my own age because I feel like I’m supposed to act the same way they act and I don’t know how.”—Jesse Eisenberg (via abigailnora)
“Can you give us a ride back to Andrew’s?” Jesse asks before Andrew can decide what to say. He shoots Andrew an unreadable look. “That’s okay, right? All my stuff’s still there and, um, I miss my book and - ”
“Book,” Justin scoffs from the front seat. Andrew wishes they were in a taxi so he could close the privacy screen. “You get your ‘book’, dude. Should I stop at a pharmacy in case your book needs lube and condoms?”
retardomontalban said: Oh my God. I’m the same exact way. My mom HATES gory films. I purposly took her to see Zombieland when it came out. What can I say?
My mom is totally used to it by now. XD She rarely even notices. I remember taking her to see Final Destination 2, and she was like “This is gross. Kelty, you’re gross,” but since then she doesn’t really make comments. Unless I let something slip like when someone pretty is covered in blood and I go “HNNNG” or that time watching Law-Abiding Citizen and I suddenly started expressing an interest in Gerard Butler because “he looks pretty in a collar.”
…She was mildly disturbed by that omission. (Technically, so was I. Gerard Butler is so far from my type it’s ridiculous.)
allarepunished said: can we just be roomates and watched fucked up films together omg! this is me.
YES LET’S BE ROOMMATES. WE WILL SPEND ALL DAY WATCHING HORROR MOVIES I LIKE THIS PLAN. 83